Diaries of a rockstar girl

 haaa ,kau orang tengok tajuk tu memang kenal kan.Aku aritu ada gi mall ngan kengkawan aku,tak sangka jumpa dia gak. aku memang cuba tak buat eye contact dengan dia tau. aku sedaya upaya jaga hati aku,supaya aku tak jatuh cinta dengan dia lagi.tapi aku dapat rasakan kadang-kadang mata dia macam melirik kat aku,aku just buat cool,xkesah je dan terus cakap dengan kawan lain aku.  pastu kitaorang jalan,biasa-biasa jak sebab dia belakang aku. aduiii. so dipendekkan cerita,masa aku nak order aiskrim,tetiba lak dia panggil aku.masa dia panggil aku,aku pandang belakang,just nak inform mana tau dia panggil orang lain kot. pastu, bila dia panggil lagi, pekerja tu tanya flavor aiskrim ngan topping soma tu lak. so ,aku tak jadi laa,memang kebetulan betul.masa itu pun aku memang tak nak pergi sana pun. then,kawan perempuan aku,Lu nak pi beli corn kat tingkat bawah.so,aku berdiri lah macam tunggul sebab tunggu aiskrim tu siap.lepas tu,seorang demi sorang geng kitaorang pergi kat Lu lah. ...

 Has,korang tau kan aku bekas pelajar spm 2015. So,haritu result kitaorang keluar. Aku hanya mampu terdiam,berasa bersalah dan patah hati.Ya,aku bersyukur sesangat aku lulus soma tapi itu memang tak memuaskan hati aku yang dapat 6A 1B time PMR dulu.  Bila aku fikir balik,aku memang menyesal habits.maruah aku jatuh tersungkur,parents aku pulak kecewa ngan aku.ni result spm aku  Bm - b+  Bi - b+ Math - A Pm - A- Addmath - C+ Phy - D Chen - D Bio niihhh la E  Btul kata orang,xsemestinya result kau time PMR bgus,masa SPM bagus.Kalau ada usaha lebih memang dapat digapai.Aku masig terfikirkan kesalahan yang aku buat last year dan masa form 4. Aku taklah enjoy sang at,ada juga mass aku rajin belajar.Tahun lepas kak aki tak layan hp sesangat.tapi yang aku past I lepas aku bergaul dengan diaorang,aku lupa segalanya. Aku least tido,aku asyik Skype ngan diaorang,aku main game online sampaikan kerja rumah kadang2 tak siap. Masa spm pun aku sempat jugak main ...

  kalau ada yang rajin stalk blog aku memang kenal Shen siapa,ya dialah bestfriend aku aka long time crush aku. Aku memang tak tau ah kenapa dengan jantung ini masih tunggu jantan tak guna itu.Opss terkasar lak.Dia masih dengan gerek dia tu tapi ayat flirt dia tetap tak berubah.Kadang-kadang aku terfikir,kenapa dia tak jujur dengan aku yang dia ada gerek.Dia ingat aku tak tahu ke,tak yah lah kau nak buat aku melting tau tak.Hati ini dah lama bagi kat kau,kau je pandang yang lain. Aku yang tetap dengan kau saat kau putus ati,macam-macam aku buat kau tapi aku kalah bila ada pompuan lain datang dengan ' rupa' yang ala-ala innocent,yang rambut contra dari aku yang frizzy ni,dengan body yang memang diidami girls yang lain. Apapun,aku memang terima kasih lah kat dia.Sebab dia lah aku tau erti ',benda yang kau minat tak semestinya kau dapat'. Dengan itu,aku ucapkan dia bahagia dengan siapapun. Sapa kata aku tak buat effort,aku cuba minat benda yang dia minat,dia cuba minat ben...

 hah,lama dah aku tak post pakai bahasa Melayu. sejak abis sekolah ni,bahasa english aku dah terumbang ambing sebab lame dah tak menulis atau communicate lam bahasa omputih ni.Time SPM, fuhhh banyak plan nak dibuat dengan rasa yang berkobar-kobar menantikkan last paper iatu subjek bio tuk abis. Tapi, lepas SPM busy pulak sebab perlu pulang kampung sebab ade 2 YB nak melawat kampung kitaorang. Hah Hah, sekarang nih kampung kat Sarawak dah maju yer,mengalahkan rumah sendiri lak.Anyway,habis je sambut krismas,aku dan kakak aku pi Kuching lak. Aku enjoy 1 minggu kat sana dengan perasaan yang relax dari gangguan sesapa pun.   Balik je pi home sweet home, aku plan nak kerja kat MCD dekat ngan rumah aku. Aku isi dengan full details mengharapkan aku dapat kerja,namun nasib tak menyebelahi aku.Lama juga aku tunggu,tapi supervisor tu tak juga kol aku.Lepas tu,aku ikut kawan aku cari kerja kat mall.Masalahnya,mall tu jauh giler.Aku risau dengan kos transport sebab aku memang tak terfiki...

 I thought we will end it this way, with silence and getting further. Until one time, i was sitting alone at the table and you and your friend suddenly joined me. Your friend sitting in the opposite of me while you sit next to me. You won't know how fast my heart beats when you sitting next to me with your eyes fixed at me when your friend asking me for help. I think if your friend don't approach me, i don't think you would go near me. You suddenly played with my phone,checking things inside it and act like nothing broken between us. You know how hard for me to keep a smile because you will ditch and took me back for some times. And then you guys gone and came again,you sit on my right site and it feels like you're closer when you asked some questions for that subject. And when i taught you, i can feels butterflies fluttering in my stomach and ... i just realized that we were alone without your friends. I totally blushed like a tomato when you show your cheeky smile and...

These past weeks, you seemed like you were ignoring me. I wonder why? After the last time we spoke, things was changed, getting worse. I don't even know what i should do. When we suddenly met up at the stairs,your head just stay low and looked down. I don't recall of us having a fight. I was searching for a perfect moment for us to talk, having a real conversation but you won't let me into your heart. When i looked into your way,and staring at your eyes,your eyes don't see me. Do you know how much, how much, i tried to talk to you. I'm waiting for you too to look like you're struggling to talk to me,but it just nothing. It's like we're living in the different world where there is no me in your life and no you in my life. :'( are you ashamed or too embarrassed to talk to me. Why won't you give a me chance to break the cold wall in your heart. Let me in so i can understand why did you do this to me. You probably won't get think,you probably don...

In my opinion, such girl and guy friendships cause nothing but trouble, especially where other people are involved. The people who the “Best Friends” are dating most times become insecure and jealous and therefore hostile to the “Best Friend”. It almost never ends well. However, like everything else in life, there can be no generalization in this matter. I’m sure there are guys and girls who have managed to remain best friends and nothing else. The most important thing is to stay true to yourself. If you really just want to be that person’s friend, then make it clear and be sure you’re both on the same page. However, if u have feelings for your “best friend”, you better speak up or you’ll be stuck in the friend zone forever. those sentences really stabbed me right through my heart. in fact , i always think of this thing. i always wonder if i made a right decision after all. :')