Broke up

For your information, I had my first boyfriend last year. He is a friend of mine, a close friend when he suddenly confessed that he likes me. As you can see, after the incidents with the guy name Shen, I didnt really pour out my whole heart to anyone, especially to my close friend. But then, he asked me whether i should give him a chance and just give it a try. I still haven't made my mind, but my little mind said ," grab the chance and experience love " . I've been rejecting my guy friends before this and after it happened,they stopped being friends with me. And I dont want the same things to happen during in the relationship. Plus, he stated that we can just break up and stay being friends if it didnt work out.
 Few days later, I said I agreed since he said those words. Indeed, he is really a good guy but .. Idk how should I say this. He is too scare to tell the world that we are a couple. And for me, I rather keep this relationship shut, only my close friends knew about this. But he kept on saying that he is single  and he doesn't act like one when he hangout with me and my friends. Sometimes, he will blame me because I get close to my guyfriends. Well, dude, what do you expect? Your girl doesn't really have girl friends. We have been fighting over small thing. And I'm the one who need to explain that thing one by one to him or else he couldn't compromise it. He don't even believe me when I said something or I am with someone,so how the heck I want tell him that its nothing and he dont have to worry.


 Well,what people said before,"love is only sweet in the beginning". And thats is all i feels these times. You can't blame the situation since you like the same girl as your roommate. But you should be grateful,that you are the one that i chose. I still dont understand why keep saying the same thing? Why you always compare yourself to the other guys that like me? I won't choose you if i like them,you need to get my point. I thought you said you understand a girl like me. I never thought things will became worst after that incidents. I don't know,babe. My mind is asking me to leave you,but I tried to stop it.
 After a while, i feel so fed up with him.. and my feeling started to fade away. I mean, after I finished with that sem, I find and found a job which made it harder to text him or anything. So in short, I asked for a break up and he said "okay". He made it easy for him which I dont mind becos I was focusing on my job , family and friends. But few days later, he asked for a return. I tried to tell him the truth but he dont get it. I swear I broke up with him , not because I like other guys or I cheated on him.. its just that I dont feel the same anymore. Well, thats all from my story. I know you guys aren't agree with my decision but... I just can't act that I love you when deep inside, i dont feel butterflies in my stomach anymore.



One thing, the feeling of guilty struck my heart when I listen to this song by Post Malone-Fall Apart

Ooh I fall apart
Ooh yeah, mm

She told me that I'm not enough, yeah
And she left me with a broken heart, yeah
She fooled me twice and it's all my fault, yeah
She cut too deep, now she left me scarred, yeah
Now there's too many thoughts goin' through my brain, yeah
And now I'm takin' these shots like it's novacane, yeah

Ooh, I fall apart
Down to my core
Oooh, I fall apart
Down to my core
Ooh, didn't know it before
Surprised when you caught me off guard
All this damn jewelry I bought
You was my shorty, I thought

Never caught a feelin' this hard
Harder than the liquor I pour
Tell me you don't want me no more
But I can't let go
Everybody told me so
Feelin' like I sold my soul
Devil in the form of a whore
Devil in the form of a whore
You said it
No you said it
No you…